Sorry...
That's borderline pornographic.
All I can say is that I did not enjoy this encounter. I was the victim here! It might look like I was the the instigator and the turkey was being molested, but truly, he had it coming! Asked for it in fact.
That turkey likes to pretend that he was all innocent and that I was the bad guy. But look at my face! Ewwwwwwwwww! I might be shoving my entire hand inside that bird, but I took no pleasure from it.
On the other hand....
OMG! That child should be removed from that situation.
And Auria! Auria! Contributing to the delinquency of a minor!
However, the final outcome was fan-freakin-tastic!!!! I can't promise that no poultry was harmed in the creation of this masterpiece, but it was totally worth it.
Mmmmmmmmmmmmmm!!! And just the right temperature!
Mind you, we were not sure if this was possible this year. It was quite an inauspicious beginning...
Once upon a time, on the day before Thanksgiving dinner, two fair maidens went bravely to Stupidstore on a quest to find the perfect Turkey. After much consideration and contemplation, and discussion on the merits of "fresh" vs. "frozen" they bore home, on their shoulders, the chosen one! Due to the tough economic times, the cheaper, frozen choice prevailed. And here comes the near tragedy....one fair maiden doth asked the other...."Fair Auria, how longeth shall it taketh thine poultry to thaweth?" to this, the fair maiden doth replied, "Fair Tanya, it sayeth, on the backeth of yon package....5-6 hours, 'tis all." And with that, the fair maidens proceeded to prance and clap their hands and turn cartwheels and giggle with glee! Only 5-6 hours! "Wheeeeeeeee!" So, The Chosen one was stored in a place of honour in the sacred refridgerator. And the fair maidens retired for the night and slept the sleep of innocents, secure in the knowledge that the next day's plans were set.
The next morning, whence the fair maiden, Tanya, doth opened thine sacred refridgerator to see how the thaweth-ing had gone...."AAARRRGGGHHHH!!!!! Fair Auria!!!! Cometh and see-eth the birdeth...its....its...its still frozen-eth!!!!" *Cue hysterics and much hair pulling and wringing of hands* And now the evil is revealeth! "You ninnies! I knew it would still be frozen. Bwahahahahaha!!!" It was the the handsome, yet diabolical Count von Konig. With the tortured eyes of the two fair, yet distraught and disbelieving maidens on him, the malevolent Count von Konig revealeth his nefarious mistruths, "5-6 hours in a refridgerator didn't make sense to me. Are you sure that you were looking at the right column? Maybe you mixed up the thawing and the cooking times?" The fair maidens flipped that poor, icebound bird over and looked again. "AAAARRRGGGHHHH! You are evil Count von Konig! You knew all along!" And the tragedy of this story was shown...the fair Auria does not speaketh French, noone can blame her! We cannot find fault....the label read "Days/Jours" and she readeth "Hours". Jours....Hours....one can seeth how such an error could be made.
So, quick calculations ensued, rapid decisions were made and the arctic turkey took a bath.
A 3 hour bath in lukewarm water, followed by a brisk frolic "au naturel" in the sink of cold water...
*Gag...ewwww...I just threw up in my mouth a little*
And the day was saved and even the nefarious Count von Konig had to agree, the fair maidens had prevailed.
And the court rejoiced! Yahhhhh!!!! Woot! Woot!
And then they proceed to eat their faces off!
And then the Princess of the Universe declared...."now let's eat dessert!!!"
How did your Thanksgiving go? Did Fair Maidens or Evil Counts rule the day?
1 comment:
My turkey day sucked!! As it always does down here in the land of the 50 states!! I had to work, and I was slammed, I had to pay someone to watch my kiddos because they are on fall break and our day care provider took her vacation, and Mike wasn't home yet. There was no such turkey that passed these lips:( About the only good thing that happened today was that Mike finally came home after being gone for a month.
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