A thought on raising kids...

Hello Friends and Family,

Frank and I have taken on coaching a U14 girls basktball team. The league that was supposed to be running this team really messed things up and as a result the team had to fold. Several parents of the players asked us if they could make things come together, would we still be willing to coach. We said "yes". And now, we have more games and practices and kids playing for us than we know what to do with.

The girls are silly, and enthusiatic and both Frank and I have not had much experience working with this age group. Frank has usually worked with boys, and much older boys at that. High school seniors usually. But we are loving it and the girls. Although, the constant chatter and high pitched squealing will have to be dealt with very soon. I just wish that they would talk as much when they are on the court. When they step on the court, they turn into a bunch of mute, sometimes, deaf kids. Very annoying.

What I have noticed is that we are having issues (you have to say it in that really snotty, british way "izzues") with kids showing up to all the practices. Our first "izzue" is that some kids are way overscheduled with other activities. "Little Suzie can't come to your practice today because she has tuba/drama/3 other basketball practices/soccer/forensics (look it up, not dead bodies, but debating)/flower arranging/jujitsu/Chinese lessons today." To which I say, "*@#!$## ", in my head but "Oh! OK? I guess," out loud. Parents!!! Stop overscheduling your kids. Let them be bored sometime. For goodness sakes! You will drive yourself crazy trying to get them to all those locations, not to mention having to take out a second mortgage to help pay for Little Suzie's deportment classes! Why are parents so scared of letting their kids have a spare moment during the day? I spent half my childhood being told to, "go outside for 4 hours and find something to do!" I turned out ok! ***my husband is shaking his head and my therapist is rubbing her hands together while nodding sagely in agreement*** (Disclaimer: I don't have a therapist, but I do have a husband!) Ha! I purposely don't schedule my kids on some days, just to see what they come up with and allow me to say one of my favorite sayings, "Only boring people get bored, Sweetie." I feel so smug when I say it.

But please...for the love of all that is holy! One or two activities at a time. People are not going to look at your family calendar and snort, "Hurumph! Look...only 3 days in which you must BE somewhere. Must be nice to have that much time on your hands." I just look at the poor frazzled Mom who hasn't had a shower in 2 days and is forcing her kids to eat reheated Kraft dinner, out of tuperware, in the car, on the way to that Tuba lesson, right after the soccer practice, and just before the Chinese lesson, and shake my head.

Our second "izzue" has to do with kids missing our practices because they are at home "studying". I had a little rant in an email to a friend which I will copy and post below...

I find it annoying that kids can't make it to practice because they have a test they need to study for, or a project that needs to get done. Our practices are only one and a half hours. Listen, I was taking a full science course load in college and we had 2 hour practices at least 3-4 times a week, game tape study at least once a week, sometimes twice if we had a league game during the week (which was a min. of 1 hour), and we had pre-game sessions which included physio or one-on-one training sessions with asst. coaches. Before games, we had team meals. If we didn't play at home, there was travel involved, usually a min. of 1 hour. Sometimes we had out of state travel which was overnight. I could easily say we had at least 20 hours of basketball a week. I still found time to study for Organic Chem exams and Calculus tests and write 15 page Qualitative Chem labs and read an English novel and write a 2000 word essay on it somewhere in between all that. I was also required to be in the Science labs a min. of 6 hours a week. I got straight "A's" while playing ball! I also know that Aislinn has caught up on all her work that she missed while away for 5 weeks. It involved getting up a hour earlier for school to do homework and staying after school for extra help. She is also playing on her TCYBA team and also takes part in all of our team activities. So, it can be done.

Parents are not doing there kids any favours by allowing them to miss events because of "homework". You think a college coach is going to accept that excuse? Ha! He has 20 other girls that are dying to make his team and won't miss a practice because they have a Math mid-term the next day. If you are forced to manage your schedule to get everything done and no excuses are accepted, funny things happen....like you get your work done! Efficiently. You stop texting your friends for 2 hours cumulatively. You don't watch "Wizards of Waverley Place". You don't sit on the computer checking out FaceBook. You study, practice, eat and sleep. At school you spend time with your friends, but you also get in the habit of finishing your work so you don't have homework.

GRRRRRRRRR......

I know these girls are only 13. I know that parents think that homework is very important. But I also know that if parents make things to easy for kids and give them excuses all the time, that they grow up to be unproductive, ineffiecient whiners who say "but! I didn't have time!!!" and "I had other things to do!!!" Yah, good one. Have fun having your 26 yr old kid still living at home trying to find the "perfect" job that allows them to have a "balanced" lifestyle.

How 'bout raising a kid that understands the value of scheduling their time and getting the job done? Who's thinking about paying the rent that month instead of how much beer she can buy for tonight's party, which by the way, is in your basement, and she's asking you for 25 bucks to buy that beer. Oh...and she's trying to figure out a way to ask you if her boyfriend can move in because he quit his job. Lovely.

And so...my point, after all my crazy ranting and complaining is...get your kids to my practice!

I am required to be there. No excuses! I can't just decide at the last moment that, "Ehhhh, I don't feel like going, I've got dishes to do, and oh yah! I need to get that report done for work tomorrow!" Nope. I'm there, so your little ones can be there too.

Is that way out of line? I know that many of you have been coaches or have volunteered your time for kids. Am I right in thinking that parents these days doing way, WAY too much for their kids? What are your thoughts?

Love Tanya